Who did you talk to today?
In loving memory of Jeffrey Harmon Smith.
It was almost time for our Saturday family FaceTime with my brother Jeffrey, and I was thinking about the lessons he had taught me. In my diversity, equity and inclusion work, he taught me how to be brave, how to never give up, and how to believe in yourself.
Jeffrey taught me that we all deserve love - that we all deserve to take up space.
I remember when he was in college and I was in high school. That’s when he told me he was gay. I told him I loved him and he could choose to be whoever and whatever he wanted to be. Jeffrey told me it was not a choice, no more than my being right-handed was a choice. It is who he is, just as I am who I am. When running for the President of the Key Club International, Jeffrey shared in a speech to hundreds of people that he was told he was stepping on too many toes. His response, “Maybe it’s time you move your feet.” Jeffrey embodied bravery in everything he did.
Jeffrey taught me about the intersectionality of oppression.
When he was in high school, he was chased to the bus after school not because he was gay but because he was black. He was black and he dared to integrate that school. He didn’t let that stop him. He never stopped going back until after he graduated. He was admitted to and enrolled at Harvard College and then the University of Chicago where he went on to get a B.A., and ultimately to Georgetown University where he obtained his J.D. Jeffrey never gave up.
Jeffrey taught me that intolerance and marginalization hurts everyone.
Being gay was something my father would not accept from Jeffrey. Even though Jeffrey became a lawyer like our Dad, my father would not let go of his bigotry and oppression about homosexuality. Our family was fractured by my father’s intolerance. Jeffrey moved to New York and never returned to Chicago after law school.
Jeffrey taught me that it’s never too late to change.
While Jeffrey had practiced law corporate and entertainment lawyer, his true passion was writing, singing and acting. Later in life, Jeffrey courageously gave up corporate and entertainment law to be an actor and performer. Jeffrey believed in his dreams and he believed in himself.
And so, it was time to call Jeffrey. My partner and our two adult daughters joined us on that FaceTime conversation. We talked about seeing Jeffrey on SNL and other television shows like Succession. We celebrated his sold-out one-man cabaret shows in the West Village. We reminisced about fun times together, the positive difference he has made in our lives, his favorite restaurants in New York. We sang along with one of his favorite songs. We told him we loved him and he said “I love you guys.” Jeffrey told me not to fly to New York, too much Covid 19 to risk it. We said goodbye and we thanked the hospital worker for holding the phone. Jeffrey died the following Tuesday.
Be sure to call your loved ones and tell them you love them.
Who did you talk to today?
